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I don’t know why I feel the way I do right now. Wait. That’s a lie. I know why I feel  the way I do, I just don’t know how I feel about what I feel, and I don’t want to feel the way I feel anymore.

Got that?

Yeah, let me explain. I’m in a foul mood. Not angry, but rather depressed. For three years, I’ve taken teaching and English courses, and I have always expected to be an English teacher. But after three years, I don’t want to be a teacher. After a mishap in one of my English-teaching crossover classes this week, I called my mom, bawling and saying I didn’t want to do education. I love English, I love it to death. I just know that having a bachelor’s degree in English will probably lead to an early death – one that’s caused by living in cardboard boxes and scrounging for food money on the cold streets.

I know it shouldn’t matter. They always say you should do what you want to do, but then they say that the only way to be happy is to have a steady income. I want to have a way where I can have both.

I don’t know what I’m good at, I don’t know what I want to do. Some days, I just want to lay down and die. Today is one of those days. I work tomorrow. I have a paper to write over William S. Burroughs this weekend, a book to read (if it ever shows up), stupid test questions to revise that I know will never be good enough, a multigenre paper that isn’t good enough, and write a scene that I hope will be good enough. Well, I don’t want to do any of it.

I am so depressed, I don’t think I’ve shaved my legs in a week. And that’s really gross. I need to change that tomorrow.

There are plenty of other things I want to do. I finally started on my mittens last night. They’re the “Bella” mittens, but I vehemently hate Twilight. Though I think when they’re done, they’ll be beautiful and match my newest scarf perfectly. I’d really rather knit. I’m afraid I might have to give Alex my knitting bag for the night so I’ll do some work.

I’m sad that the Olympics are almost over. I love curling. I want to learn how to curl, and then become a professional curler.

I want to read The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks, because even though it is for my young adult literature class, I still love that all the books in there are books I want to read, not books I just have to read for class. I love all the feminist theories that could go with that book, and it’s weird, too, because I see a lot of myself in Frankie.

Most of all, I just want to do what I want and be happy. I swear, not all of my life is a bore and a shame. There is a lot of good in it, I’m just going through a sucky time. On a happy note, I can’t wait to do all the other things I have planned for this weekend. Alex and I are celebrating our anniversary and doing some fun things, since I’m not sick like I was last weekend and we can. I’m also completely stoked for Spring Break – I just have to survive a week. A group of us are going to South Carolina, and I definitely need some relax time away from the great frigid state of Indiana.

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I didn’t get to participate two years ago when Ravelry started their “Ravelympics” competition, so this year, I was jumping at the chance. I was knitting on behalf of “Team UKnitversity,” which was organized by one of the college groups I’m in. I’m quite proud at the results.

At first, I was going to do the insanely popular “Bella’s Mittens” because to be honest, even though I hate Twilight, I like the design, and I currently only have one pair of gray holey dollar mittens to combat winter cold. But then I discovered that it uses magic loop, and I was confused. So then I went the other project I wanted to do, a simple lace shrug to cover my tank tops and spaghetti strap dresses (I linked it in my previous entry). It’s laughable that I thought I could do both in two weeks with all the stuff I’ve been doing lately. I just settled for this.

I finished it yesterday. It’s a bit baggy, but it’s still pretty. Ta-da!

On Wednesday, Alex and I celebrated our two-year anniversary. My night class was that night, so we didn’t really get to do anything together until I got out around 9:10. However, it was nice. We ate cookies and watched Olympic curling. I was just happy to be with him, I have been blessed to have him for two wonderful years, and may we have many more.

Before this Olympics, I will admit, I had never watched a curling match, but thanks to my love and our friends, I have watched a lot of it lately. I’ve picked up the rules and some strategies, and I would just love to try playing it sometime.

Since my life has been awesome lately, it only seems plausible that something would step in and foul it up. That something happens to be a cold, and it decided to jump upon me shortly after Alex left on Wednesday. I was just miserable on Thursday, and then I was a zombie on Friday. I was so fatigued, they turned me away from work and told me to go home and get some rest. I drank a half gallon of orange juice and slept a lot. Now I’m feeling better, except for some sinus issues, but it still put a wrench into my weekend.

Alex and I were going to celebrate our anniversary this weekend, but since I have been sick, we decided to postpone our dinner-bowling-whatever celebration. I was well enough to work on Saturday, and then I hung out with him later. We watched more curling, ate pizza, and went to Motini’s to listen to Live Jazz Tonight with Thom and Sarah. Sarah was also sick this weekend, so we were both being our slightly-sick girl selves. It wasn’t my intent to drink, but I ended up having two, and I felt amazing. I went back to my room, watched Juno while knitting my Ravelympics entry (this Ribbed Lace Bolero) and was up until 2:00.

I haven’t been doing much today. Did some cleaning I didn’t do yesterday, I’m watching our women’s curling team getting killed by the Canadians, and I finished up my bolero earlier. I’ll get some pictures up sometime. My mom’s supposed to come up today. We’re  going to go through tax and school stuff, and I’m going to take her (and possibly the boyfriend) to Victor’s Gyro and Pancake House. Sounds like a good time. I just hope I’m up to snuff for next weekend!

Life is good. This I can say is true.

The rest of last week came and went without much ado. I was glad to see it go.

Friday night I went out with Alex, Scott, Matt, and Nick to celebrate Nick’s 21st. All the drinks I had were new to me, and I discovered some that I really, really like. It was fun, though we waited almost an hour outside the Locker Room for a taxi to the Heorot that never came. It was cold and I was dancing around in piles of slush and snow singing along to songs on the speakers. We ended up going to Motini’s instead, and then around midnight, Alex, Scott, and I decided to pack it in for the night. I bought slices of Greek’s pepperoni pizza for all of us, and I ate my yummy, greasy slice with my threadbare mittens.

I didn’t work on Saturday, so we slept in until 11:30. I did homework the rest of the day, nothing too special.

Sunday I had the chance to sleep in again, and I did some more homework. Sarah, Thom, Alex, and I cooked a Valentine’s Day dinner for a bunch of our friends, and while it was cooking, I read some of Ender’s Game and started working on my project for the “Ravelympics” – a cute lace shrug.

I accomplished another one of my goals – # 7: Write a list of 101 things/reasons why I love Alex, and share it with him. I printed it up and gave it to him on Valentine’s Day. Some of it is really personal, some of it is about his quirks, some of it ended up being things I just wanted to tell him, but overall, it’s from my heart. A few of these included:

12. You can fix things, such as your bike (even though now your bike is stolen.).

34. You have shown me that spaghetti westerns may be long, but they are entertaining. Clint Eastwood is a badass.

55. You draw fun Godzilla pictures with crayons on the backs of Sunshine Café placemats.

76. I don’t care if you like White Castle, I’d still go there at 1:00 in the morning if you wanted to.

So yeah… he’s kind of a big deal.

Monday wasn’t bad. I’ve been rather tired lately – so tired it hurts – but I’ll make it through. It’s been snowing again, though not as hard as last time. It started yesterday around the time I was at work, and I don’t think it’s stopped since.

Today has been a fantastic day! I love Mardi Gras and though I’ve never been to the celebrations in New Orleans, I hope to go someday – though it’s insane this year since they won the Super Bowl, and that would be fun experience. I woke up this morning and had an apple-filled pączek with my coffee. My first class didn’t formally meet, so I had some extra free time after going to a study session during that time. I made red beans and rice with sausage for dinner, and though it’s not the authentic version, I hope next year since I’ll be in the apartment, I’ll be able to make it. Yeah, that and bananas foster would be neat to make.

I haven’t been doing much else tonight, except hanging out in my room while knitting and watching True Blood.

Laissez les bon temps rouler…

So, anyway, as you know, we had that snow on Friday. It was nuts, and I had to go walk out in it some more. My boots can pretty much get me across any terrain, except ice. I loved being able to jump into knee-deep drifts of snow to get somewhere – and no, that isn’t sarcasm, that’s a fact. I felt like a mountain woman (hear me roar!).

Alex, Sarah, Thom, Nick, and I went to see the ABSO Improv show. It was the first time I had gone to one of those, and I laughed so much. I don’t think I’ve done that in a while, and it was nice. We came back to my room and hung out for a little bit. I appreciate that they did so, considering they had to walk all the way across campus to their dorm in that crappy weather.

I had to work on Saturday, and it was quite peaceful to walk across campus in a white world left untouched by everyone else. It was almost post-apocalyptic silent – it was haunting and beautiful.

Work went all right, and then I did some reading and homework. I took a nap, and woke up to my mom’s phone call. Because of an unplowed road, she ended up abandoning her car on the side of the road and walking a quarter-mile to her work. The car was towed, and she lost her cell phone in the snow. She was able to reclaim the car on Monday, but she was vehicle-less the rest of the weekend, and she had to order a new cell phone. Needless to say, we’ve had a bit of bad luck recently.

I hung out a little bit with Alex after my nap; I feel like most of the time he was playing a game and I was reading Ender’s Game, but we were okay with that. We were mainly waiting for 10:00 to roll around so he, Geldes, Blake, and I could visit “Victor’s Gyros and Pancake House.” Apparently, it had just opened, and the owner was actually there, serving us. I had pancakes, the guys had gyros, they had Cokes and water and I had coffee – three cups of coffee, at that. We had fun, and the food was good. I’ll totally go back.

Oh, and Alex got his car stuck going into the parking lot of Victor’s. We spent about ten minutes getting it unstuck, and he had left the shovel behind. I carried it in with me, and the owner thought it was a funny sight.

The night ended rather disappointingly, but things are okay now.

Alex’s parents came to visit, and they took us out to lunch at Greek’s Pizzeria. Alex had never been before, which I thought was surprising. The pizza was awesome, as usual. It was good to see his parents, and they brought us a Super Bowl cake that had a football on it, and then a horseshoe on one side and a fleur-de-lis on the other. They also gave Alex and I Valentine’s Day candy. Lots of it. We’re going to get sick on candy.

Sunday was also this little thing called the Super Bowl. I watched it with Geldes and Tanner in the common room, since we were supporting the Saints in Colts’ territory, and we decided to hide. I was afraid of how the game was going to turn out, and I was afraid of the ridicule. During the first half, I’d go into Alex’s room, where he was playing a computer game, and I’d be all mopey and say, “We’re losing!” The common room was packed to watch the Who, and we were not disappointed. After that, Alex left with everyone else who wasn’t interested in the game for downstairs; they played Arkham Horror.

And then… HOLY CRAP. WE WON. THE SAINTS WON!

You bet I was excited. Hugs, phone calls, and dancing. Lots of dancing. I ran to where they were playing the board game and danced around, saying, “Look at that! We won! We won! Who dat!” When I talked to my dad, he asked me, “So you believe?” And I said, “Yeah, I believe in the power of Brees-us!”

It was good. I’m not going to lie. I would love to be in New Orleans right now, because you had better believe that party is going to go on well to and through Mardi Gras.

I had to work on Monday, and my grandma and grandpa on my dad’s side came to visit. They met me after my one class of the day and took me to Ruby Tuesdays for lunch. They also brought me peanut butter blossoms. I forgot how great those cookies were. I was just happy to see my grandparents. I felt so special.

I also had work on Tuesday morning, but my fiction writing class was cancelled, so I didn’t have much to do. I met with my old roommate, Jess, and saw her apartment. Her boyfriend is graduating, and he’ll be gone for the summer, and since I need a place to stay in Muncie while I work (and possibly take classes), I’ll be taking his room. We hadn’t seen each other in a long while, so it was great to catch up with Jess. I can’t wait to live with her again.

The rest of my day would have been all well and good, had it not been for the stupid broken washer on our floor. I had no clothes left, and all the other washers in the building were either broken or in use. I resorted to waking up at 7:00 this morning to wash my clothes on the floor below. I’m lucky I didn’t have work or class early, or else I’d be wearing very smelly clothes.

The rest of my day’s been all right, but I’m tired. I did finish another knitting project, though, and I’m quite proud of myself. However, I need to do some book-cracking this weekend, hardcore. I might have to ask Alex to hide my knitting bag, though it won’t be too bad. At least I don’t have to work, but I hear we’re supposed to get even more snow…

Regarding my last post…

I was serious.

This is outside my bedroom window. It isn’t easy to see, since there is that screen there, but let me just say – it’s hard to see outside, anyway. That snow sucks, and some of my friends who wanted to go home last weekend can’t. Julie can’t go visit Jason, her love, and that makes me really sad. Alex’s parents were going to visit tomorrow, but we don’t know how that’s going. I’ve heard this storm is supposed to continue well into tomorrow.

Oh boy. If you’re where I am and you’re reading this, stay safe, stay warm!

Winter is back with a vengeance in the lovely city of Muncie.

It wasn’t snowing when I walked to work at 6:50 this morning, but when I left the library at 10:30, large snowflakes were quickly falling – beautiful.

But now, it’s pretty nasty. I left my building to go to my 3:00 class and was instantly disoriented, blinded. Snowflakes stuck to my glasses, eyelashes, and eyebrows. I had to take my glasses off, walking with eyes mostly shut. The hair out of my hood was matted with ice.

My coat was white. My mittens, wet. The crosswalk signs were crusted with snow, making it hard to tell how much time I had left to cross. The sidewalks were and still are slippery – that is, if you can tell where the sidewalk is.

For the record, I still had to go to my class. And this weekend, I work. I would love just to stay inside all weekend where it’s nice and dry. That would be great.