You are currently browsing the monthly archive for August 2010.

I’m alive! Woo… barely. Classes started last Monday, as you all know, and this was my first taste of how my life is going to be for the next fifteen or so weeks. Lots of time in the library, little time at home, lots of sleepiness, and a little roommate drama, but I won’t go into that. I just hope things shape up for the rest of the year.

I’m working 12-16 hours a week. I do a lot of reading for class, and have my practicum every day. I have to have two criminal background checks, arrange two meetings with my supervising teacher for next semester, get CPR certified, and take the Praxis II. I have to go into the schools for practicum, and for another one of my classes, I have to schedule out-of-class time to visit a different school. If you’re confused, don’t worry. I’m confused myself as to how I will find the time/energy to do all this. I can’t sacrifice any of my classes. I don’t want to sacrifice the job that will give me money to stay in my apartment or keep me fed. I need to keep the meager social interactions for my sanity. I just don’t know what to do, I guess, except telling myself that I can do this.

Not much else is going on. My watch stopped on Wednesday and I couldn’t get it fixed until Friday. I balanced my checkbook, and I’m cringing. I still want/need a car. I miss my boy, but I’ll see him next weekend. It was his birthday on Tuesday. It’s the third birthday he’s had since we started dating, and the first that I haven’t been able to been with him.

I just want to be done with it all. I want a life that doesn’t revolve around college, one where I can get a decent amount of sleep each night, and one where I can actually remember what day it is.


Summer has ended. A moment of silence, please.

I spent the rest of last week working, earning money. I picked up Palahniuk’s latest book, Tell-All, and interrupted my Lovecraft reading for it. It’s a quick read.

Wednesday night, I went grocery shopping with Jessi, and then I made brownies with a butterscotch topping. They were tasty, but extremely sweet.

I had to work Thursday morning, and Alex showed up in the afternoon. I made Smitten Kitchen’s zucchini and goat cheese pizza for dinner, and I really enjoyed it. I’m so glad making my own pizza crust isn’t too far out of reach, since I have all the ingredients are on hand – even the yeast.

We joined up with all our friends on campus, and got to see their new rooms, and then we headed to the Village. Unfortunately, it was a rather discouraging experience. The first bar had a DJ who was so loud, we were downstairs (and he was on a third-floor platform) and I was shouting to people next to me who couldn’t hear me. So the three of us who hadn’t ordered drinks left in the first five minutes to find another bar. The next bar had a good atmosphere; I liked the music, but they eventually turned up the volume. There wasn’t much seating or a drink selection.

The third bar was rather filled, and they had limited seating until a group left and we had space by the skeeball machine – our prime place. It was karaoke night, and I was excited about that, but everyone was still at the first bar. Upset, I went for a walk with Alex. We talked about what was bothering me, and how I had been so excited to go out and see everyone, but the night seemed like a bust.

Upon our return, everyone from the first bar had arrived, and they were rather intoxicated and entertaining. Everyone was happy, and it was better. I got a lot of hugs. Scott told me how he was glad I was his friend, and I started dribbling tears on his Transformers t-shirt. Alex was still a little sick, and the smoke was bothering his throat, so he left. Krista loudly told me how awesome Alex was and how we were going to get married. A little while later, Sarah, Geldes, and I went out to the parking lot to keep him company. I was glad to see everyone again. It makes coming back to Muncie worth it, even though I hate everything else about college, anymore, it seems.

Friday, we slept in. Yay! I introduced Alex to The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, and remembered that, even though it isn’t my favorite Wes Anderson movie, it still has its great parts, and no one can go wrong with Bill Murray (also, Jeff Goldblum). We wanted to hang out with people after that, but it took a while to round everyone up, and once we did, they wanted to go dine at the residence locations. Alex and I didn’t, and we went to Victor’s for gyros. It was a good idea, and our stomachs were satisfied when we met up with everyone again.

The guys wanted to play Alex’s board game, War and Peace, which took them four hours. Luckily, Sarah and I didn’t want to play and spent that time catching up, walking to the Village, buying Yoohoos and watching the drunks. We also went to Wal-Mart with Scott, and I was a good girl and didn’t buy anything.

On Saturday, Alex and I went to the Artist Within on a whim. He painted a trivet, and I painted a coffee mug. They should be really cool, and I might pick them up when they’re ready on Saturday – though I could wait until he’s up here again, too. For dinner, I made spaghetti with Romano cheese and black pepper (another Smitten Kitchen recipe) while listening to The Life Aquatic soundtrack.

I was sad on Sunday. Alex had to leave. I tried not to cry, but I did it anyway, as he dropped me off at work for a six-hour-shift. I got better after about two hours, but still. I was tired when I finally got off work. I called my parents, and asked my dad about my (no) car situation, and how it can be fixed. I’m serious. I want to drive. It would be nice to go grocery shopping without being at the mercy of bus drivers or patient friends.

Yesterday was the first day of classes, and the first day of my senior year. I had to keep telling myself not to panic, even though I was nervous. I drank my coffee while listening to the cats meow around me, and then biked through the horrible traffic on the way to class. Eight a.m. every day. Yeah, that’s going to be fun. That’s not even the worst part – the fact that I’m practically living on campus without actually doing so is. I had a two hour gap between my first two classes, and then I had to work immediately after that. So I was on campus from 7:45 a.m. to 5:15 p.m.

Today’s schedule is no better. 7:45 a.m. to 8:15 p.m. Three classes, a three-hour shift, and two large gaps where I just sit in the library, even though I work there.

At least I can pass the time by doing homework (when I eventually get homework), reading for pleasure, or catching up on my television shows. Yesterday I watched the three episodes of True Blood I had missed, so now I’m ready for Sunday. Holy crap. So awesome. Catfights, gore, sex, drugs, mystical creatures…yeah, this season is better than the last one, by far. Today’s videos have been to catch up on the past three episodes of Futurama. Tomorrow, I believe it will be Mad Men. I feel like I need a small knitting project to work on between classes, but I already feel like a pack mule with my laptop and books in my backpack and my lunchbox tied to my backpack…

Anyway, that’s boring, and I have to go to class soon – Finally! This semester is so far, so good. Hope it stays that way.

We now have wireless in the flat! Yay! No more cruising around in a car on campus with our laptops open in desperation! (Yes, it happened.)

Things are getting better, but I still dread Monday – the first day of classes, and the last year of me being a student here.

I’ve been working a lot these past few weeks. I think I’ve racked up about 50 hours since I moved back in. Hooray for money, but man, am I tired. Tomorrow is my last morning weekday shift, and I’m sad about that. I like the mornings. I’m so much of a morning person now, and it makes me feel productive, and I actually sleep at night. I’ll still have my Saturday morning shifts, though.

This past Saturday morning on the way to work, I fell off my bike. When I arrived at work, I was wet, grass-covered, and bleeding. Lucky me, I’m still alive with no broken bones, but I have a nice gross scab on my right hand because of the fall.

In other news, I sing the praises of Goodwill, Aldi’s, and the Dollar Store for making life affordable. When (or if – I’ll clarify in a moment) Alex visits this weekend, I’m going to bake homemade goat cheese pizza and make a romano cheese  and black pepper pasta toss, and we’ll be able to have butterscotch brownies with ice cream on top. Sweet action!
I’m hoping this weekend goes well. I haven’t been able to get a hold of friends other than my roommates, and Alex told me last night he’s getting sick. Since it is my last weekend of freedom for a while, I wanted him to visit. But when I texted him this morning asking if he felt better, he said he was feeling worse. Sad. 😦 I hope he feels better before tomorrow evening, and I can figure out something to do with somebody outside of my apartment this weekend.

More later, but as for now, there’s nothing else interesting to note. So here’s to the last bit of freedom!

Moved in on Tuesday. It was practically painless, compared with all the other times I’ve had to move into the dorms. Unpacking sucks, though. I don’t have a bed frame yet – though I don’t know when I will get it. I have a bunch of stuff I want to send back home, but I can’t do that right now, so it’s just cluttering up my room, and my walls are bare…

In addition to this, we do not have internet. We won’t have it until Tuesday. So right now I’m at the library, trying to order textbooks and get my affairs in order. I will be so happy when we finally get internet. The lack of BoingBoing, streaming video, food blogs, webcomics, and knitting patterns at my disposal makes me sad.

What makes me even sadder is missing my boy. He helped me move in, but we didn’t get much time together. I had to go shopping with the roommates, and that always takes longer when there are three different agendas or so. It sort of feels like being in Pendleton again – no true freedom of mobility. I can at least bike places, though by “places” I mean one – work. I worked Wednesday night, Thursday afternoon, and this morning. I work tomorrow morning. I work Sunday afternoon. I have a day off Monday, but I’ll probably return to campus for the internet. Alex thought about coming up this weekend, but I told him no. I wouldn’t want him to waste the gas money, and when I see him next, I want to see him for more than a few hours on one day.

Hell, I would be content with seeing any of my friends right now, not just my boy, but my work schedule is so schizo, I have so little time for myself, and I’m tired. I’m afraid that this is just an omen of my upcoming school year, when I have to leave home before 8:00 a.m. and I won’t be home until well after 9:00 p.m. some nights. It’s just cruel.

Needless to say, I’m still in a small funk. There is so much I desire right now, there’s not much I can do about that.

I wasn’t in the best of moods when I wrote my last post. The rest of the day went downhill from there. Alex called me and asked “Guess where I am?” The answer was GenCon, and I didn’t know that he had decided to go. Then he said, “Guess who we just saw?” The answer was of course, Wil Wheaton, one of the few geeks (beside my own) who can make me swoon. So close, and I still couldn’t meet him in person! Alex told me that the line to meet him was long, so he wanted to get me an autograph, but the line was super long, so I understand. Besides, it would mean a lot to me, but not as much as actually meeting Wil in person and asking him myself.

So, I was jealous. Jealous that Alex was at GenCon, enjoying himself, while I was stuck at home, sitting on my butt. I hate not having a car. I can’t even go to the grocery store and the bank by myself, so I’m cooped up in the house all day.  In addition to my inability to leave the house, I have felt myself gain weight, which further lowers my self-esteem. Knowing all of this, I was further pushed into my funk on Friday.

Mom and I went to Gene’s Root Beer stand for dinner, where I had planned to have a chili dog, fries, and a root beer float. I couldn’t remember the last time I had been there, and so this was a special occasion. But I was so upset, I didn’t eat at all.

I felt better after I talked to Alex later that night. He said that while GenCon was an entertaining experience, he wished that he had prepared better for the convention and done all the stuff he had wanted to do, especially the free stuff. He was waiting for Scott to get out of one of the areas, and so he was feeling lonely and wanted someone to talk to. We both felt better afterwards, I think. (We’re rather similar, some days, it seems.)

Alex brought me some things from the convention, including this and this. He said they were really lame, but I don’t care. I didn’t expect anything from him, and I know he has been trying to save money. I find that it was a sweet gesture.

I saw him Saturday, when we played a round at the decrepit Putt-Putt course and arcade. After that, we drove around for a bit and then had dinner at his house with his parents. It was nice to see them again, and dinner and dessert was delicious.

I came home and hung out with Mom. I introduced her to True Blood, and now she’s hooked. She only has two episodes left after about a day and a half.

Sunday, I made pancakes for breakfast, with fresh fruit on the side. I spent my day packing up my belongings and knitting. I’m almost done with a pair of mittens for Jess; she asked for them for her birthday.

Today, I woke up before sunrise and made eggs, bacon, and toast for me and my mom. I feel bad because I really haven’t had the chance to spend much time with her over the summer, or that we have the financial ability to do fun, interesting things like we used to, like museum exhibits, art galleries, and movies. So I spent a little time with her this morning, and I think I might do it again and make French toast.

I was a fool and drank some coffee this morning with breakfast, so when I tried to crawl back into bed, I couldn’t sleep. I laid there for an hour with my eyes closed, but mind still going. So around 7:30, I gave up and read Speaker for the Dead in bed. I got a lot read, and it was nice and peaceful.

Jennifer stopped by after lunch. I had wanted to see her before I had to move back to Muncie, and I was glad for her visit. I just wish I had more time with her. If I had a car, I’d be able to visit her some weekend during the semester, but that will be for a while. We’ll keep in touch, though.

All in all, it’s been a really nice day. It makes me feel sadder knowing that tomorrow I have to go back to that big pothole, Muncie. But hey, that’s life. Summer gets shorter every year.

Things have been going well here. Same old stuff, same old problems. The other night, I finally got around to sewing a case for my double-pointed needles, so now they’re all in one place and not secured by rubber bands. The smaller ones still like to slide around a bit, so I have to make sure the case is never turned upside down, but I’m happy because I actually accomplished something. I have a bad habit of starting projects and not finishing them. For example, right now – two dresses, three paintings (though my mom hung them up on her walls anyway), a sculpture, a bag, a skirt I need to mend, and any novel I’ve tried to produce in the last ten years. My room is piled with junk mainly because I am never at this house and my mom likes to throw any of my belongings in there without any order while I’m away, but also because I have only technically been at home for maybe nine days out of the entire summer, and probably not even that. I have had little time to get anything accomplished, as well as little will.

I’d like to write some actual works of literature, but I’m afraid having two classes this summer killed my ambition for the moment. All I want to do is sit around and knit and read. It would be nice to go out and visit people as well, but seeing as I don’t have a car and it is ridiculously hot to even attempt riding my bike, I don’t get out much. I was supposed to be throwing a party on Sunday for my friends to come over, but I realized that 1) my house is too disheveled to have guests, 2) I’m slightly antisocial, 3) I suck at throwing parties, 4) I’d be moving out two days after, and I’m stressed enough about that as it is and 5) having this party would be acknowledging that summer is over and I have to go back to school. So, I sort of canceled it. Not many people were putting much into it, either. But they decided to revive the party at a different location, so I guess that’s fine. I don’t know if I will go or not, but I probably should. They want me there.

I don’t want to go back to school. I could care less if I ever go back. I can’t wait until next year, when I’ll have my diploma and my only reason to go back to Ball State would be to visit friends or see my brothers graduate (if they chose to go there). I’m burnt out. I’m toast. I’m ready to just have a job and get on with my life.

Anyway, on a lighter note, I saw Alex Tuesday. We went to see Inception and shared a bag of Reese’s Pieces. It was a freaking cool movie. I was a bit lost in the first fifteen minutes, but then I caught on and it was just like… whoa. I’d totally see it again. I probably need to see it again. But I won’t see it in theaters again because I don’t have the money like I did back in high school when I’m pretty sure I saw a few movies multiple times. At home, I’ll miss the huge screen and ceiling-tile-shaking quality of sound, but that’s okay.

After the movie, we went back to my house and I made dinner. A storm came in right before Alex left. It was pouring as he ran to his car. I miss seeing him every day like I have the past couple years at school. Even last summer, we were both living up there and I could see him. Now, when we say goodbye, I never know how long it will be until I can see him again. At least we’ve improved our phone conversation skills from our first summer apart. Even if it is for only five minutes, we still talk every night and talk about what we did that day. I think it will be harder next year, especially since I’ll have some evening shifts, but we’ll make it through. I just miss him, that’s all.

Today, Mom and I are going to Gene’s Root Beer stand for dinner. It’s been forever since we’ve done it, and since it’s a seasonal operation, it’s special. I look forward to having a chili dog and a root beer float, even if I’m getting chubbier every day (or so it feels like it). I’ll feel better (ironically) when I move into the apartment, since I will try to eat better and exercise regularly. Not like here. The only thing that gets a workout are my fingers when I type or knit…

I went to Richmond for the weekend. The family reunion went well. I got to help my grandma bake, try hard pear cider with my uncle, and fix my little brother Alex’s treasured blanket. It’s really pretty, and I did the best I could. You can tell it’s been worn down with a lot of love.

At the reunion, I stayed out of the rain, which my brothers and younger cousin played in and got soaked and, well, just hung around the adults, because I’m one now, I guess. I discussed teaching with a distant relative – guessing, I don’t actually know what our relationship was – who has been a math teacher for over fifteen years. It’s nice that I’m actually getting encouraged to keep doing what I’m doing, since the past year and a half or so has made me doubt my desire to do teaching.

I also fielded many questions. Questions about whose kid I was, about school and the inevitable “Oh! Senior Year!” comment, questions about my knitting, since I was working on a scarf, and of course, questions about boyfriend Alex. Most of those came from my brothers; one of David’s made me laugh: “If you and your boyfriend Alex get married, how do we tell him and Alex (brother) apart?” This isn’t the first time my brothers (mind you, they’re ten and seven) have brought up the idea of me getting married. But there’s so much more I have to accomplish before that happens!

I didn’t get to see my dad that much, because he and my stepmother went up to Chicago to run the Rock ‘n’ Roll Half Marathon, and they did really well and enjoyed their experience.

I came home on Sunday, and I’ve been a bump on the couch for the past few days. I keep meaning to go to the bank, but the weather is either too hot or rainy to ride my bike. I have sewing projects to work on, and knitting, and I’m trying to make sure I can finish Speaker for the Dead before this weekend. Instead, I’ve been watching a lot of crappy television, with the exception of the newest Futurama episode. That was cute.

I made cookies today, though! Yay! They’re s’mores cookies. Oh my god. Amazing. I’m going to give a dozen of them to Alex when he comes to visit tomorrow. And I might eat a dozen before then…

Just look at them. LOOK AT THEM. DELICIOUS.

Unfortunately, now I have to do dishes. Just add that to my list.

Packing’s on that list too, but I’ve been the least productive at that. I move up to the new apartment next Tuesday, and I should be more excited, but I’m not. I know, just one year left, but man, summer, I’ve missed you. I want some more time with you.