You are currently browsing the monthly archive for August 2011.

I know. It’s been a while, again.

My stay in Kentucky went without any big event. The boys started school. I left. I came back to P-town. And things have been more or less the same. My friends started a new semester. My boyfriend started his job. I stay at home, bored out of my skull most days, trying to find employment. I knit. I knit a lot. I have determined that since I graduated, I have finished knitting three blankets for charity, finished Mom’s Christmas gift for this year, two pairs of socks, two regular hats, two stuffed elephants for two baby boys, and two mohawk hats. I’m currently working on my brothers’ Christmas presents, since I couldn’t work on it while I was visiting them. Besides knitting, I have tried to continue sewing a dress I started two Thanksgivings ago, and am determined to finish it before this Thanksgiving. Does anyone know how to install an invisible zipper? I sure don’t. My mom’s no help, either. I’d consult my aunt Jo for help, but she’s 1) in Cincinnati and 2) busy as can be with her work and her beautiful Stella. I always say that I’m going to give up any attempts at sewing once I finally finish a project, but I always seem to completely ignore that vow. Lather, rinse, repeat.

I have also completed my first embroidery project (it’s on my 101 Goals list, which has been rather inactive – shame on me!). It was a spur of the moment sort of thing that I just picked up the materials (though Mom had a hoop and materials) and checked out a book from the library. I designed it myself and -poof- within a few days, I was done. I’d say it is more simple compared to some of the beautiful embroidery I see online, but I’m still proud of it. It’s on red fabric and stitched in white. The image is of the rooster on the Sriracha bottle (spicy angry rooster sauce), and below it, I stitched a quote from an episode of My Drunk Kitchen: “Sriracha is the Worcestershire sauce of Thailand.” I made it with Alex in mind. Why? Because he likes Sriracha, he likes¬† My Drunk Kitchen, and eventually, he’s going to have an apartment of his own and I think it would be a unique and appropriate piece to hang in the kitchen.

Speaking of Alex, my dear sweet boyfriend had his birthday last week. I gave him the Sriracha embroidery, some bags of his favorite candy (Sour Patch Kids and Pretzel M&Ms), and a Streetlight Manifesto CD. I also joined him, his parents, and his grandparents for a celebration. We went to Pizzeria Uno and stuffed ourselves.

Besides crafting, I cook dinner every night. Recently, since Borders is going out of business, Mom picked up two vegetarian cookbooks. I think it’s really exciting, and we’re now on our second week of vegetarian dinners. I’m going to try my month of vegetarianism (another thing on my goal list) now, I’d say, though it will be difficult depending on who I happen to eat with. For example, if I go visit Alex, I don’t want to snub the dinner if it includes meat, because that would be inconvenient. Also, I’ve been reading, though not in the past few days. I’m going to remedy that. If you want to check out my book list, I have it on Listography. There’s still plenty more books on my bookshelves that I haven’t tackled yet, and it could possibly be another year before I finish them all! I hope not, though…

Nothing much else is going on, I’d say. I don’t watch a lot of movies, but some days, I feel like a bump on a log. And then, for the past two weekends, Alex and I have gone up to Muncie for shenanigans. I love being able to see my friends and hang out with them. It makes me miss school – or at least being just a stone’s throw away from everyone. I also miss biking and walking everywhere. That’s why, after I finish writing this, I have decided that I’m going to bike to the library. Okay, maybe lunch first. Either way, I’m still going to bike to the library today and enjoy the beautiful weather outside. Thankfully, it isn’t too hot.

I will post again soon. I’ve decided that it is going to be a very picture-heavy post, since I want to share my crafty ventures. I am quite proud of them.

Until then…

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I’m in the doldrums. Not that I got far out of them before I fell back in.

I’m here at my dad’s house, watching my brothers. David goes back to school tomorrow. He’s in sixth grade, at a special advanced school. He’ll be taking algebra I and Latin. My eleven-year-old brother is going to know Latin, and by the time he gets in high school, he’ll probably take more math than I ever did. Man, that just makes me feel stupid. At least I can make my own peanut butter and jelly sandwich and can remember to flush the toilet, but that’s not saying much. We don’t get along like we used to, and I feel bad about that, but David has had this recent habit of acting like a teenager and thinking the world revolves around him and he can do no wrong. He doesn’t listen. This morning, I told him to take the dog out front so he could relieve himself while I was getting breakfast together. When it was ready, I thought, “Well, it doesn’t take the dog that long, so I wonder how things are going.” I looked out the front door and couldn’t find David and Jock. I panicked. I ran out to the driveway and saw that David was a few houses down, near the bus stop. I yelled for him to come back. He said that he thought the dog could use a walk. That might have been a good idea, but only with someone else to accompany him. He has no concept of “Stranger Danger,” and that’s worrisome.

I want to get along with David, but sometimes it is hard. We still have some good moments, though. The other day, I went upstairs and couldn’t find him anywhere. I called his name, and he didn’t answer. I eventually found him sitting in the empty master bathroom tub, reading the iPad, and listening to the radio with the door shut. Kids are so odd sometimes.

Alex is going to be in third grade. He doesn’t start until next Wednesday, though. He’s very into Harry Potter now, which I like, but it’s more of the movie and Lego ties that he likes, not the books – which makes me sad. Oh well. He’s still freakin’ adorable. The other night, we were watching the end of Spaceballs before bed, and he was wearing Harry Potter robes. I went upstairs to get my laptop, and he said, “When you come downstairs and my hood is up, pretend I’m invisible!” It made me laugh so much.

Besides watching my brothers, I’ve been reading, exercising, writing, knitting, and job searching. Basically, the same things I do when I live with Mom. I have been exercising more, though, and it makes me feel good. I’ll probably do it after I finish writing this. With reading, I recently finished Bel Canto, which I think is probably my new favorite book (My apologies to The Historian – You can be my runner-up, though!). I finished it on Sunday, and there was this deep sadness within me; I wanted to read more, and yet, I knew that there was no more. I felt for the characters, and I was moved by the beautiful writing. I wish I could write like that. I’m re-reading The Sparrow now. I read it back in high school, a while ago. I don’t remember much of it, except for little parts. I found a copy of the book when I visited Jennifer in Bloomington once. There was a cool used bookstore there. Anyway, it’s interesting, but I think it’s harder to get into than the last book.

I’m currently knitting a pair of socks right now for the boy. It’s a easy, beautiful pattern, and I love the yarn, but I think I’m going to run out. I should probably buy some more. I might just get some more for myself. Books and yarn – those are my biggest vices.

As for job searching, it’s a bust. I got a call Friday about a position I applied to two months ago. I happened to be driving to my grandparents’ house at the time. I called back and left a message for the woman, but she was out of the office for the weekend. She called on Monday, completely ignoring the fact that I had stated in the message that I wouldn’t be back until the 17th. She wanted me to set up an interview for Tuesday. When I explained that I was out of state, she immediately said, “Well, it’s been nice speaking to you.” I understand that most people prefer an in-person interview to a phone interview, and for good reason. I just wish that I could have been given a chance. What if this was a family emergency? I hate that so many recruiters/employers want people to be so desperate that they’ll drop everything for an interview. Yes, I want a job, I really need one, but sometimes there are circumstances beyond my control.

Additionally, last week I had an preliminary interview for a teaching position in Japan. Because of my hellish student teaching experience, I would rather teach in a country that respects education and educators instead of America. I was worried, though, about going abroad for a year, being completely alone in a foreign country.¬† I know that I would miss Alex and my family considerably. I also wasn’t sure if the start-up costs (I would have to pay for my own flight over to Japan, my background check, and some other things before I actually received a stipend.). Well, now I don’t have to choose. I got an e-mail last night. They don’t want me.

Nobody wants me. It feels like the time before I found my job at the library, only worse. I have little experience, I have little references, and who really wants an English major, anymore? I keep seeing and hearing about my friends who are getting jobs or, in the case of my teaching friends, getting ready to teach their first class. My other friends still in school are getting their schedules, moving back to the dorms, or starting grad school. I just feel like everyone knows what they’re doing with their life but me.

It’s August. I can’t believe it’s already August. Of course, time flies when you think you have all the time in the world. Three months ago – hell, it’s more like five months ago, I thought, “I’ll take a year off, get some work, and then go to grad school!” Now? Well, my notices for student loan payments are coming in. I’m still unemployed. I feel my dreams of getting my masters in library science are slipping away. Mom and I fight at least once or twice a week, when we rarely fought once we moved here six years ago.

I’m sad. Others who have recently graduated, like myself, are finding jobs. Alex finally got something after what seems like two years of searching, which I’m happy about. If my peers aren’t getting employed, they’re going back to school – grad school, another year of undergrad; some people, like my friend Jennifer, have both work and school to look forward to. There are so many other milestones people are hitting in their own lives, and what do I have to show?

Nothing.

I don’t have much to say as of late. What’s new to talk about, really? Yes, I’m utilizing the time I have by searching for a job, exercising, writing, reading, and doing crafty things, but I really can’t be too excited when it’s the same thing, day after day. I’m going to a family reunion this weekend, and people are going to ask me what I’m up to, and I truly won’t have anything to note. I can sum up my life in a few words. No one’s going to care. I’m not interesting.

I often wonder why I keep this blog around. I originally intended to use it as a book review blog. I did it once. Although I can say that I’ve read enough books in the past five months that could last several posts if I wanted to pick that up again. Then, this became a somewhat outlet for my crafty ventures. Now, it’s a sad mess.

I just feel like life is passing me by, time is passing me by. I think I’m just going to get pushed to the side and disappear, like, if I don’t do something with my life, I don’t exist.

I mean, I know I do stuff other than write, read, craft, and mope. In the past weeks I honestly haven’t done much besides that, though. I look back on this whole summer, which was full of opportunity and excitement, and I feel like I have just wasted it.

Alex’s car is still in the shop, so I’ve come down and visited him a few times, and he’s been able to get a ride up to my house at other times. Our visits are sparse and public. Once he starts working, I’ll probably only see him on the weekends, like it was when I was at school last year, only I’m living at home. I hope his car is repaired soon, though. I know how much he loves driving and he loves his car. Plus, if I drive him, he’ll get motion sick, and I always feel bad about that.

We went up to Muncie with Scott this past Sunday for Scott’s birthday. It was a small gathering, but nice. I brought brownies I had made late night before. We chatted and I knit, and I ended up being the designated driver for the night. What I didn’t foresee was when we went out to the Locker Room, we were having a great time until I had an allergic reaction. For dinner that night, Alex and I cooked up what was on the menu – salmon, green beans, and cheesy garlic biscuits. It was all delicious. I had only had salmon once before, and I had a reaction that time, but I thought I was in the clear this time. I felt great, but then suddenly, I found myself sneezing, itching, swelling, and wheezing, among some other symptoms. I am now, without a doubt, allergic to salmon. There’s something in it that, when in my digestive system and it’s being broken down, it causes my body to react. It’s so strange, though, since it isn’t immediate – it takes about six hours for the reaction to kick in.

Nothing’s scarier than having to drive home while your face is swelling and every breath you take is a ghastly wheeze. I stayed calm and we got back to Krista’s apartment safely, but every time we stopped at a stop sign and no one was around, I’d have to scratch my back and arms. I was miserable. When we got back, everyone was really helpful. I could barely get out of the driver’s seat because I was weak, and Alex helped me out. Krista and Derek ran up and got the Benedryl I luckily had in my backpack, and Nick held open the doors for us. I am lucky to have such good friends. It took a while to recover, and everyone went to bed, but Alex stayed with me on the couch until I was comfortable enough to sleep. Being with him was probably the best part of that weekend.

Anyway, like I said, nothing much else has been going on. I attempted and succeeded in my first embroidery project. I’ll share it when it’s framed, and possibly after Alex’s birthday, since it’s for him and I want it to be a surprise. As I also stated before, I’m going to a family reunion this weekend. Something to keep me busy while my friends and boyfriend are having a great time at GenCon. I wanted to go last year, but didn’t have transportation. This year, I thought I would have a job that would prevent me from going, though I didn’t really have the money to go, either. Oh well. The only consolation I have is that I’m not missing Wil Wheaton this year, since he’s not visiting, though I missed meeting him last year. It just makes me feel even more sucky, since I’m not getting out and doing anything interesting. The State Fair is starting this weekend, too, and I’m going to miss most of it because I’ll be out of state.

The reunion should be… interesting. I guess. I don’t know. I feel weird about going, but I feel that it would be a good alternative to staying home and getting into an argument with my mom. On Sunday, I’ll be driving down to Lexington. I’ll be watching my brothers for the next week and a half because they’ll be starting school soon. David starts sixth grade on Wednesday, and Alex will be in third grade, I do believe. That doesn’t start until the following week. It’ll be good to see them.

Until next time.