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I don’t know why I feel the way I do right now. Wait. That’s a lie. I know why I feel  the way I do, I just don’t know how I feel about what I feel, and I don’t want to feel the way I feel anymore.

Got that?

Yeah, let me explain. I’m in a foul mood. Not angry, but rather depressed. For three years, I’ve taken teaching and English courses, and I have always expected to be an English teacher. But after three years, I don’t want to be a teacher. After a mishap in one of my English-teaching crossover classes this week, I called my mom, bawling and saying I didn’t want to do education. I love English, I love it to death. I just know that having a bachelor’s degree in English will probably lead to an early death – one that’s caused by living in cardboard boxes and scrounging for food money on the cold streets.

I know it shouldn’t matter. They always say you should do what you want to do, but then they say that the only way to be happy is to have a steady income. I want to have a way where I can have both.

I don’t know what I’m good at, I don’t know what I want to do. Some days, I just want to lay down and die. Today is one of those days. I work tomorrow. I have a paper to write over William S. Burroughs this weekend, a book to read (if it ever shows up), stupid test questions to revise that I know will never be good enough, a multigenre paper that isn’t good enough, and write a scene that I hope will be good enough. Well, I don’t want to do any of it.

I am so depressed, I don’t think I’ve shaved my legs in a week. And that’s really gross. I need to change that tomorrow.

There are plenty of other things I want to do. I finally started on my mittens last night. They’re the “Bella” mittens, but I vehemently hate Twilight. Though I think when they’re done, they’ll be beautiful and match my newest scarf perfectly. I’d really rather knit. I’m afraid I might have to give Alex my knitting bag for the night so I’ll do some work.

I’m sad that the Olympics are almost over. I love curling. I want to learn how to curl, and then become a professional curler.

I want to read The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks, because even though it is for my young adult literature class, I still love that all the books in there are books I want to read, not books I just have to read for class. I love all the feminist theories that could go with that book, and it’s weird, too, because I see a lot of myself in Frankie.

Most of all, I just want to do what I want and be happy. I swear, not all of my life is a bore and a shame. There is a lot of good in it, I’m just going through a sucky time. On a happy note, I can’t wait to do all the other things I have planned for this weekend. Alex and I are celebrating our anniversary and doing some fun things, since I’m not sick like I was last weekend and we can. I’m also completely stoked for Spring Break – I just have to survive a week. A group of us are going to South Carolina, and I definitely need some relax time away from the great frigid state of Indiana.

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On Wednesday, Alex and I celebrated our two-year anniversary. My night class was that night, so we didn’t really get to do anything together until I got out around 9:10. However, it was nice. We ate cookies and watched Olympic curling. I was just happy to be with him, I have been blessed to have him for two wonderful years, and may we have many more.

Before this Olympics, I will admit, I had never watched a curling match, but thanks to my love and our friends, I have watched a lot of it lately. I’ve picked up the rules and some strategies, and I would just love to try playing it sometime.

Since my life has been awesome lately, it only seems plausible that something would step in and foul it up. That something happens to be a cold, and it decided to jump upon me shortly after Alex left on Wednesday. I was just miserable on Thursday, and then I was a zombie on Friday. I was so fatigued, they turned me away from work and told me to go home and get some rest. I drank a half gallon of orange juice and slept a lot. Now I’m feeling better, except for some sinus issues, but it still put a wrench into my weekend.

Alex and I were going to celebrate our anniversary this weekend, but since I have been sick, we decided to postpone our dinner-bowling-whatever celebration. I was well enough to work on Saturday, and then I hung out with him later. We watched more curling, ate pizza, and went to Motini’s to listen to Live Jazz Tonight with Thom and Sarah. Sarah was also sick this weekend, so we were both being our slightly-sick girl selves. It wasn’t my intent to drink, but I ended up having two, and I felt amazing. I went back to my room, watched Juno while knitting my Ravelympics entry (this Ribbed Lace Bolero) and was up until 2:00.

I haven’t been doing much today. Did some cleaning I didn’t do yesterday, I’m watching our women’s curling team getting killed by the Canadians, and I finished up my bolero earlier. I’ll get some pictures up sometime. My mom’s supposed to come up today. We’re  going to go through tax and school stuff, and I’m going to take her (and possibly the boyfriend) to Victor’s Gyro and Pancake House. Sounds like a good time. I just hope I’m up to snuff for next weekend!

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