It’s August. I can’t believe it’s already August. Of course, time flies when you think you have all the time in the world. Three months ago – hell, it’s more like five months ago, I thought, “I’ll take a year off, get some work, and then go to grad school!” Now? Well, my notices for student loan payments are coming in. I’m still unemployed. I feel my dreams of getting my masters in library science are slipping away. Mom and I fight at least once or twice a week, when we rarely fought once we moved here six years ago.

I’m sad. Others who have recently graduated, like myself, are finding jobs. Alex finally got something after what seems like two years of searching, which I’m happy about. If my peers aren’t getting employed, they’re going back to school – grad school, another year of undergrad; some people, like my friend Jennifer, have both work and school to look forward to. There are so many other milestones people are hitting in their own lives, and what do I have to show?

Nothing.

I don’t have much to say as of late. What’s new to talk about, really? Yes, I’m utilizing the time I have by searching for a job, exercising, writing, reading, and doing crafty things, but I really can’t be too excited when it’s the same thing, day after day. I’m going to a family reunion this weekend, and people are going to ask me what I’m up to, and I truly won’t have anything to note. I can sum up my life in a few words. No one’s going to care. I’m not interesting.

I often wonder why I keep this blog around. I originally intended to use it as a book review blog. I did it once. Although I can say that I’ve read enough books in the past five months that could last several posts if I wanted to pick that up again. Then, this became a somewhat outlet for my crafty ventures. Now, it’s a sad mess.

I just feel like life is passing me by, time is passing me by. I think I’m just going to get pushed to the side and disappear, like, if I don’t do something with my life, I don’t exist.

I mean, I know I do stuff other than write, read, craft, and mope. In the past weeks I honestly haven’t done much besides that, though. I look back on this whole summer, which was full of opportunity and excitement, and I feel like I have just wasted it.

Alex’s car is still in the shop, so I’ve come down and visited him a few times, and he’s been able to get a ride up to my house at other times. Our visits are sparse and public. Once he starts working, I’ll probably only see him on the weekends, like it was when I was at school last year, only I’m living at home. I hope his car is repaired soon, though. I know how much he loves driving and he loves his car. Plus, if I drive him, he’ll get motion sick, and I always feel bad about that.

We went up to Muncie with Scott this past Sunday for Scott’s birthday. It was a small gathering, but nice. I brought brownies I had made late night before. We chatted and I knit, and I ended up being the designated driver for the night. What I didn’t foresee was when we went out to the Locker Room, we were having a great time until I had an allergic reaction. For dinner that night, Alex and I cooked up what was on the menu – salmon, green beans, and cheesy garlic biscuits. It was all delicious. I had only had salmon once before, and I had a reaction that time, but I thought I was in the clear this time. I felt great, but then suddenly, I found myself sneezing, itching, swelling, and wheezing, among some other symptoms. I am now, without a doubt, allergic to salmon. There’s something in it that, when in my digestive system and it’s being broken down, it causes my body to react. It’s so strange, though, since it isn’t immediate – it takes about six hours for the reaction to kick in.

Nothing’s scarier than having to drive home while your face is swelling and every breath you take is a ghastly wheeze. I stayed calm and we got back to Krista’s apartment safely, but every time we stopped at a stop sign and no one was around, I’d have to scratch my back and arms. I was miserable. When we got back, everyone was really helpful. I could barely get out of the driver’s seat because I was weak, and Alex helped me out. Krista and Derek ran up and got the Benedryl I luckily had in my backpack, and Nick held open the doors for us. I am lucky to have such good friends. It took a while to recover, and everyone went to bed, but Alex stayed with me on the couch until I was comfortable enough to sleep. Being with him was probably the best part of that weekend.

Anyway, like I said, nothing much else has been going on. I attempted and succeeded in my first embroidery project. I’ll share it when it’s framed, and possibly after Alex’s birthday, since it’s for him and I want it to be a surprise. As I also stated before, I’m going to a family reunion this weekend. Something to keep me busy while my friends and boyfriend are having a great time at GenCon. I wanted to go last year, but didn’t have transportation. This year, I thought I would have a job that would prevent me from going, though I didn’t really have the money to go, either. Oh well. The only consolation I have is that I’m not missing Wil Wheaton this year, since he’s not visiting, though I missed meeting him last year. It just makes me feel even more sucky, since I’m not getting out and doing anything interesting. The State Fair is starting this weekend, too, and I’m going to miss most of it because I’ll be out of state.

The reunion should be… interesting. I guess. I don’t know. I feel weird about going, but I feel that it would be a good alternative to staying home and getting into an argument with my mom. On Sunday, I’ll be driving down to Lexington. I’ll be watching my brothers for the next week and a half because they’ll be starting school soon. David starts sixth grade on Wednesday, and Alex will be in third grade, I do believe. That doesn’t start until the following week. It’ll be good to see them.

Until next time.

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