I am the smartest person ever. Let’s just get this straight. Because the smartest person ever would, the night before she has to drive home, say, “Oh, I need my house keys because I’ll get home before Mom.” She finds them sitting on her nightstand, and thinks, yeah, I’ll remember them sitting there.

Then, this same smartest person ever will, the next afternoon, pack all her dirty laundry and books and the box of journals she has to grade into her car and take the hour it takes to drive to Anderson, get her hair cut, and then drive home. Upon entering the limits of her town, she will think to herself, “Where are my keys? Oh wait, I think I put them in my coat pocket. I’ll check when I get home.” But still, this nagging feeling of forgetfulness hovers over her until she pulls into the driveway. She turns the car off, checks her coat pockets, and it is CONFIRMED –

Her house keys are still on the nightstand in her apartment, an hour away.

She calls her mom, who isn’t supposed to have her phone on at work, but conveniently called a half hour before while the smartest person ever was trying to drive – and pulled into a parking lot to answer said phone call. But no! Her mom’s voicemail is on. She won’t be home for another hour, hour and a half.

…and she already tried breaking into her house, and that didn’t work.

So, by the glory of her house’s wireless internet, she is able to give you this beautiful story – live and on the street! –  of the smartest person ever as she sits in the middle of her driveway, actually wishing she could do some laundry about now.