Things have been going well here. Same old stuff, same old problems. The other night, I finally got around to sewing a case for my double-pointed needles, so now they’re all in one place and not secured by rubber bands. The smaller ones still like to slide around a bit, so I have to make sure the case is never turned upside down, but I’m happy because I actually accomplished something. I have a bad habit of starting projects and not finishing them. For example, right now – two dresses, three paintings (though my mom hung them up on her walls anyway), a sculpture, a bag, a skirt I need to mend, and any novel I’ve tried to produce in the last ten years. My room is piled with junk mainly because I am never at this house and my mom likes to throw any of my belongings in there without any order while I’m away, but also because I have only technically been at home for maybe nine days out of the entire summer, and probably not even that. I have had little time to get anything accomplished, as well as little will.

I’d like to write some actual works of literature, but I’m afraid having two classes this summer killed my ambition for the moment. All I want to do is sit around and knit and read. It would be nice to go out and visit people as well, but seeing as I don’t have a car and it is ridiculously hot to even attempt riding my bike, I don’t get out much. I was supposed to be throwing a party on Sunday for my friends to come over, but I realized that 1) my house is too disheveled to have guests, 2) I’m slightly antisocial, 3) I suck at throwing parties, 4) I’d be moving out two days after, and I’m stressed enough about that as it is and 5) having this party would be acknowledging that summer is over and I have to go back to school. So, I sort of canceled it. Not many people were putting much into it, either. But they decided to revive the party at a different location, so I guess that’s fine. I don’t know if I will go or not, but I probably should. They want me there.

I don’t want to go back to school. I could care less if I ever go back. I can’t wait until next year, when I’ll have my diploma and my only reason to go back to Ball State would be to visit friends or see my brothers graduate (if they chose to go there). I’m burnt out. I’m toast. I’m ready to just have a job and get on with my life.

Anyway, on a lighter note, I saw Alex Tuesday. We went to see Inception and shared a bag of Reese’s Pieces. It was a freaking cool movie. I was a bit lost in the first fifteen minutes, but then I caught on and it was just like… whoa. I’d totally see it again. I probably need to see it again. But I won’t see it in theaters again because I don’t have the money like I did back in high school when I’m pretty sure I saw a few movies multiple times. At home, I’ll miss the huge screen and ceiling-tile-shaking quality of sound, but that’s okay.

After the movie, we went back to my house and I made dinner. A storm came in right before Alex left. It was pouring as he ran to his car. I miss seeing him every day like I have the past couple years at school. Even last summer, we were both living up there and I could see him. Now, when we say goodbye, I never know how long it will be until I can see him again. At least we’ve improved our phone conversation skills from our first summer apart. Even if it is for only five minutes, we still talk every night and talk about what we did that day. I think it will be harder next year, especially since I’ll have some evening shifts, but we’ll make it through. I just miss him, that’s all.

Today, Mom and I are going to Gene’s Root Beer stand for dinner. It’s been forever since we’ve done it, and since it’s a seasonal operation, it’s special. I look forward to having a chili dog and a root beer float, even if I’m getting chubbier every day (or so it feels like it). I’ll feel better (ironically) when I move into the apartment, since I will try to eat better and exercise regularly. Not like here. The only thing that gets a workout are my fingers when I type or knit…

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