How to Make Key Lime Pie:

  1. First, you must want a desire for the key lime pie – not days, not weeks, but months in advance. Reminisce about your dad’s delicious key lime pie.
  2. A few months later, your professor announces that she will have a cookout for you during finals week. Decide to make the pie.
  3. Ask your dad for his key lime pie recipe.
  4. Decide to not only make one pie for the cookout, but one to share with your friends. Double the recipe.
  5. Drive to the grocery store and pick up the ingredients for the pie(s). This is especially fun if you’re actually practicing for your driver’s license. You do an all right job parking, surprisingly.
  6. Buy the ingredients. Separate from your boyfriend while trying to find lime juice. Don’t worry, you’ll meet up again in the paper towel aisle.
  7. The cookout isn’t until Wednesday, but you think you might make the pie on Tuesday. Realize you won’t have any time on Tuesday. Walk back to your dorm in cold, stormy weather to make that pie.
  8. Call your dad. Find out how he’s doing, and tell him you’re going to make the pie. Also, you think it’s cool that your little brother is taking guitar lessons. Wish you could play guitar.
  9. Grab a bunch of bowls, the kitchen key, and a whisk. You’re supposed to have a mixer, but a whisk will do. Your arm will just get tired later.
  10. Put on the techno playlist you’ve been listening to for the past week. Grab the big red bowl you checked out from the hall desk and decide you can put all the ingredients in it (and surprisingly, you’re right).
  11. Mix the ingredients, but save the Cool Whip for last. Add in more lime juice than recipe calls for because you want it to be extra limey.
  12. Your techno playlist ends. Put your iPod on shuffle. “Hotel Yorba” comes on while you’re adding the Cool Whip, and you think about how long its been since you’ve heard it. Dance around the kitchen.
  13. You realize that you’ve made essentially three pounds (maybe more) of key lime pie filling. Holy crap.
  14. Pour most of that key lime pie filling into the two graham cracker crusts you have ready.
  15. Eat the rest of the filling out of the bowl, and rejoice in how awesome it tastes. Lick the whisk and spatula, too.
  16. Put the pies in your fridge. You wish you could bury your face into those pies right now.
  17. Wash your dishes, including the dirty ones you’ve had lying around. Johnny Cash’s cover of “Hurt” comes on. You accidentally break a spoon.
  18. You finish the dishes while listening to “Psycho Killer” and strutting around the dinky kitchen.
  19. Carry your dishes to your room, and take the key, whisk, and red bowl to the desk. Retrieve your learner’s permit that you left as collateral.
  20. Go back to your room, and repair the broken spoon with masking tape. It’s not pretty, but it will do. Put the rest of your dishes away.
  21. Watch Chowder and The Big Bang Theory. Think about how, maybe, you should work on your final project that is due Wednesday night at your professor’s cookout. Let’s hope you can get that done on time.

(Also, I’ll rejoice in completing goal #46, which is making Key Lime Pie the way my dad does.)

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